i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
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I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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