Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
