Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
