I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
