I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
