i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize