Can Purell be used as lube?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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