I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
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Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
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I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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