remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
