So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
