This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
