He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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