I just made out with a guy for $7.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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