im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
