i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
