The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
