it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
