i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
