theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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