Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
