i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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