I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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