I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
