last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
