thus making me awesome and them whores
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
