i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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