everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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