I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
