He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
