Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
