It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
