You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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