I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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