i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
