A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
