I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize