my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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