just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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