my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
