Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
