What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
