I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
