I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
