Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
where does the pee come out of this thing
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
