I am midnight drunk by noon
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
