I'm really into asian looking animals
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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