No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
