i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
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