Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
