You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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