I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
