hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
