Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
