no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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