dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
