His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
