Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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