Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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