Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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