I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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