He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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