I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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