I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Alive.
So much puke
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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