I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Let's get the cat blown out
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
