I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
