She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
