you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
