Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
