he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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