I could have mohawked her pubes.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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