my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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